Grandparents

At the end of February, I lost the last of my grandparents. This has led to a period of reflection. I loved all of my grandparents very much and am so thankful for the relationships I had with each. I knew them well enough to both like and dislike things about them. Not everyone is that fortunate.

Lately I've had songs from Itzhak Perlman's, "Greatest Hits," CD in my head. On my commute home I decided to dig out the CD and listen to it. I'm taken back to a time when I had a conversation with one of my grandpas. I was in high school and had the opportunity to attend a master class with Rachel Barton and later a concert. The next time I saw my Grandpa, I told him about it and played some of my favorite songs from CDs I purchased after her concert. My Grandpa, with a twinkle in his eye, said to me, "You think she's good?" I said, "Yes. Of course. She's way better than me." And then my Grandpa introduced me to Itzhak Perlman. Several years later when he passed away, my Mom went through his CDs. Among many CDs of his I received was Itzhak Perlman's, "Greatest Hits."

Going through photos has also helped with my grieving process. One of my favorites is a picture of one of my grandmas and me. I'm sitting on her lap on our family's couch, totally enveloped in her arms, wearing one of her necklaces.

I remember one time I was sick, Dad was out of town, and Mom was out of PTO. At that time we lived a couple hours from my Mom's parents so Grandma drove up to take care of me. She dusted and vacuumed the house from top to bottom. I couldn't believe how much energy she had. Once I started feeling better, she asked what I wanted to eat and said she would make me whatever I wanted. "Whatever I want?" I asked. "Yes." said Grandma. I picked french toast. :)

My other Grandma also like to make french toast. When our family would stay at their house, she would ask my sister and I what we wanted for breakfast. French toast was always my choice. Sometimes my sister wanted waffles or pancakes so we took turns picking breakfast. I remember the first time we asked for cheese on our scrambled eggs. She was hooked thanks to us.

Besides keeping us well fed with our favorite foods, she also played games with us. The first time I played Ants in the Pants and Clue were at her house. And oh my, the card games. Card games were a popular form of entertainment on my Dad's side of the family. I'll never forget the time my Grandpa and I were a team playing against my Dad and my Uncle. I had the best hand of my life and knew I could take all the tricks. At first my Grandpa was annoyed that I forced him to play all of his good cards at the same time as my good cards. Wasted tricks, if you will. He sat across from me, grumbling and giving me looks he hoped I understood. Halfway through the hand he got quiet. Near the end of the round his face was beaming. Once the hand ended, he couldn't stop bragging about me. He thought he had the best partner and never again did he doubt my strategies.

I learned so much from each of my grandparents but most importantly I was dearly loved. They showed interest in my interests, told me how proud of me they were, were keenly aware of all of my favorite things, and spent as much time as possible with my sister and me. I couldn't have asked for better grandparents and am proud of the many ways they have influenced my life. Whether it's attributed to nature or nurture, I don't much care. The fact that in many ways it could be either brings a smile to my soul.

Last night I slept really well.

I put forth effort to try to obtain different opportunities. I waited patiently to see what would unfold. This is not what I thought my life would be like at this point in time. I didn't know what to expect but I didn't expect this:

A situation I thought was temporary is now semi-permanent.

It's funny how not much can change while at the same time nothing is certain or stable. It feels like change is happening simply because it is expected around the next corner. I suppose what's changing is my perspective. Decisions I avoided making while waiting to see what "now" would be like have been made. More decisions are soon to come.

Although reality did not meet my expectations, I have peace. I know I'm where I am supposed to be at this point in time.

Mild Confessions From An Amature Runner

Growing up, I never really enjoyed running. A year or two ago I took up the Couch to 5K plan, which completely changed my perspective. I learned how to pace myself, how to breath better, and that I'm capable of far more than I ever imagined. 

A year ago I ran in my first 5K race and found it to be very anti-climatic. In fact, I would say it was one of my least enjoyable runs. I'm sure the heat and humidity had something to do with it but I have another theory. I have a tendency to compare myself to others. Mr. Honeyspoon is an avid runner and I've found that running with him makes me feel slow and therefore lowers my enjoyment. I believe the same thing happened when I ran the 5K. Even though I met my goal of jogging the whole time without walking, I had a hard time not comparing myself to others and overall felt slow. In comparison, some of my most enjoyable runs have been when I've been by myself and pushed myself to obtain a mini-goal.

My Motivation

Working in prosthetics, I see both ends of the spectrum when it comes to patients. I have patients who need a lower limb prosthesis because they didn't take care of themselves. They are obese, smoke like a chimney, and failed to see a doctor when they acquire an ulcer that just seems to get worse and worse. These patients motivate me to take care of myself. I truly believe one of the factors to a long, happy life is to stay active both physically and socially.

On the other end of the spectrum I have patients who lose a lower limb due to trauma who accomplish so much. It is hard work learning to use a prosthesis. Famous athletes who are amputees make it look easy but it's not. It requires more energy and it takes practice. Lots of practice and exercises to strengthen each of the muscle groups. And sometimes they fall. But then they get up and keep working at it. These people make me realize we are capable of far more than we ever realize. Mental hurdles are often our biggest obstacles. 

I really like that I have motivation from both ends. I have situations I would love to avoid and situations I'd love to have. I suppose this is just another example of finding balance.

For those of you who exercise regularly, what motivates you? What keeps you going?

Home: But Ultimately,

I'm home when I'm with my Sweetheart.

Choose The Good

Going through the difficult time I am, I have become increasingly aware of both positive and negative influences in my life. Negative influences can be anything from a TV show with subliminal negative messages, to emotional eating habits, to people in our lives making negative comments in the name of being, "realistic." Positive influences can include meditative practices, working to de-clutter physical areas, or surrounding ourselves with those who encourage and uplift us.

Sometimes negative influences need to be cut out all together. Other times steps can be made to modify negative influences. Sometimes positive influences fall into our laps. Other times we must be proactive.

No good can come from negative thoughts. Even so, they shouldn't be ignored or suppressed but rather tackled head on and replaced with positive thoughts. We all have good days and bad but let us continually strive to maintain faith in God, hope for a better tomorrow, and love for God and our neighbors.

Books!

Normally I'd post a photo for today but I am a wee bit pooped out. This summer has involved a lot of traveling, some of which has been business related and some of which has been for pleasure. Time spent in the car, at airports, and in hotels provide a lot of time for knitting and reading. I've already posted several pictures of projects I've knit and patterns I've come up with but I haven't told you at all about what I've been reading this summer. My list is short but it's a list nonetheless.

• The Mistborn Series: This is a sci-fi trilogy that tackles the age-old plot of good versus evil via the creation of another world. I started reading this series upon recommendation by an online friend and got sucked right in. Mr. Honeyspoon has been reading them along side me and has mentioned these books contain a lot of typical, predictable plot lines often associated with this genre. For me, these books are the first I've read of this type so I haven't found them as predictable as he has. I plowed right through the first book but so far have felt the second book is dragging along. I intend to complete the series because it takes a LOT for me to give up on something like this part way through so I can let you know more about the trilogy once I complete it. That might not happen for awhile though considering the rate at which I've been reading the second book.

 

• Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls: This is the prequel to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which I haven't read yet. I haven't gotten far because I purchased the book recently but so far it's a fun read.

 

• The Princess Bride: Sometime last week, maybe the week before, a friend alerted me to the fact that the Kindle Edition was on sale for $0.99 (or was it $1.99?) and I immediately bought it. In undergrad, which was longer ago than I'd like to admit, a friend told me the movie was based off a book and the book is even funnier than the movie. Since that moment, this book has been on my secret mental, "To Read," list. I am now one step closer to actually reading it!

I have a few other books I own but haven't read yet. I'm kind of a sucker for books. I'll read them . . . eventually

If you've read any of the books mentioned above, let me know what you think of them. Feel free to also let me know what you've been reading this summer. Not that I need a longer wish list. But tell me anyhow. Like I said, I'm a sucker for books. :)

Games and Coffee

Mr. Honeyspoon and I have been walking to the local coffee shop to drink coffee and play Race for the Galaxy on a somewhat regular basis for the past month. I'd say we do this about once a week, some weeks twice. He played the game several times with his guy friends before I learn it. And let me tell you, there is quite a steep learning curve. However once you learn it, the game is loads of fun. Well about a week ago on the very day I took this photo, I finally beat him! Huzzah!

Need to Drink More Water?

Awhile ago I was at a friend's house and she made a delicious drink. She put 3 peach herbal tea bags in a 2 liter bottle of Sprite for a couple hours. Delicious! Well, I've been making a healthier version of this drink on my own at home by using seltzer water. My favorite herbal tea in general is Wild Berry Zinger by Celestial Seasonings, which I bought a ton of the last time it was on sale at the store. I've been using 4 tea bags instead of 3 to provide more flavor with the seltzer water since my version of the drink is sugar free. But really, you could make this drink with any type of herbal tea. I would be hesitant to use other types of teas since it would be difficult to remove the tea bags and prevent over-seeping.

I like this drink so much that I find I'm drinking more water. And with how hot this summer has been, I appreciate every little way I can trick myself into drinking more water.

Twitterpated

This last weekend I went to my cousin's wedding and had a blast. Mr. Honeyspoon and I danced throughout the evening and there were a few times I noticed, "that look," in his eyes. As we approach our 7 year anniversary, it warms my heart to know we still sometimes twitterpate.

Living Together

We have reasons for the decisions we've made but this phase in our lives is now coming to an end. It needs to come to an end. Living apart while we've been finishing grad school is something I can't emotionally or mentally handle anymore. I don't think he can either. As we discussed this, the cheesy words, "I can't live without you," spilled from my lips. Mid-way through this sentence my words slowed as I realized what I was saying. Why was I saying this? I knew why. I was trying to concisely express that I can't handle anymore the anxiety and stress living apart has caused. Did I really think I couldn't live without him? No. But I really, really didn't want to live without him anymore.

I was raised to believe that all we need is God. Countless times I have heard someone say that it is only once you find your identity in Christ and are truly content that you can be in a healthy romantic relationship. This is why I never thought the words, "I can't live without you,"  would ever come from my mouth.

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Last weekend I visited one of my best friends. As I talked to her about some of the craziness that's been going on in my life, I told her that a few months ago I reached the point that I realized I can't do this alone. I needed the support of my family and friends. I needed to live with a roommate because I didn't think it was healthy for me to live alone anymore. I told her this made me feel weak; that God should be enough.

She told me that she's been going through a similar struggle: realizing that other people can spur her on and yet feeling guilty that she wasn't motivated enough on her own. She told me what God is teaching her is that God gives us the gift of the special people in our lives because He knows they can help us grow. The support and love of others that help us grow is a blessing and not something that should make us feel guilty.

I'm choosing

• to practice mindfulness and face my feelings instead of ignoring them by making plans and setting goals.

• to be thankful for such loving and supportive family and friends who get angry with me when I need someone to be as frustrated as I am, who cry with me when I'm heart-broken, who encourage me when I need to be uplifted, and share my joy when something positive happens.

• to believe that if timing is everything, I need to be patient and trust God to know the best timing.

Daydreams Become Reality

My current situation lends itself to a lot of free time. I know it's not going to be like this forever so I'm doing what I can to make the most of it by:

• You know those moments when you think to yourself, "Man, I wish I was doing ________ instead right now." For me, that blank is usually filled with either knitting, reading, hiking, camping, biking, running, or working on photography. It's activities such as these that renew my spirit. I've been making use of this free time to engage in those activities that bring me so much joy.

• I've been taking time to not be the most efficient at all times. In other words, I'm learning how to not care if there was a faster or better way to go about something. Changing my mindset has allowed me to enjoy each moment as opposed to just worrying about the end result. And can I say, this has been really freeing. I had no idea the hold that trying to do my best every second of the day had on my life. This has had a HUGE impact on my ability to be content, even when life throws me curve balls. Let's hope I remember this lesson once life becomes crazier.

Content

Even though my life has been a roller coaster lately, I'm learning how to better go with the flow. To be honest, I don't have much of a choice at this point in time. Over the past couple of months, I've been told several times by others that I look happier . . . . that I look content. That makes me smile.

Glass Must Be Broken To Make A Mosaic

My life is a roller coaster right now. One day I feel on top of the world. The next I am having a mental breakdown.


Those who know me best tell me I'm handling everything really well. They tell me it's okay to be frustrated . . . that it's okay to cry. They point out all the ways God is providing . . . encouraging me to continue to trust Him.


I just want to fix "it," with "it" being a lot of things right now . . . but I can't. All I can do is continue to move forward and do the best I can with what I am given each day. 


But I'm having a hard time. I really am.

Modified Journal

I have a catch all journal. By that I mean it's the journal I typically carry around just in case I have an unexpected thought I want to remember, a friend recommends a book I want to read, or any other miscellaneous information. (I realize I could easily enter such information in my phone but there is just something lovely about writing something down. Similar to the pleasure of holding a book in your hands versus holding a Kindle in your hands. There is a time and place for each.) I also give myself permission to tear pages out of it if I need to write something down for someone else. This is my no-rules journal. (I realize this implies my other journals have rules. I wouldn't so much call them rules as I would call them themes.)


In said notebook, I had a couple items thrown in the back such as a museum ticket. Every time I'd pull the journal out to make a note of something, the small items would fly out. It was very annoying. So I came up with a solution. A solution that involved paperclips and tape.


Paperclips sounded like a good idea because they would allow me to attach the items to the journal in such a way that the items weren't "permanently" attached (as they would be if a I had say, used staples). However the problem with paperclips is when they are used on the back cover, they can get caught on other items in my bag and pop off. To prevent this from happening, I applied duct tape to the back cover of my notebook over the paperclips to keep the paperclips in place. I used my pretty bright pink duct tape to accomplish this goal however my pink duct tape doesn't adhere that well so I put a layer of clear packaging tape over the top of the duct tape. 

So without further adieu, here are pictures of my pretty and functional modified journal:  

Mac & Cheese

The other day I made Annie's Homegrown Organic Shells & White Cheddar. On the box it suggested for a creamier, tangier taste, use 2 tbsp butter and substitute 1/2 cup lowfat yogurt. I always have lowfat plain yogurt on hand and have always thought box mac and cheese is too runny so I thought, "Why not?" Oh boy, let me tell you! Best tasting box mac and cheese ever. And it's totally because of the yogurt because I've tried this mac and cheese before the regular way and it's WAY better with yogurt. Also, I used 3 tbsp of butter instead of 2. But we won't talk about that


And yes, I ate a whole bowl of it before taking a moment to pause and take a picture. So that's a picture of my seconds. It's just that good.

And no, Annie's isn't paying me to say this. But maybe I should look into that . . . .

Grey

About 5 months ago we added the kitten pictured below to our family. There's a story behind it that involves a combination of falling for this adorable black kitten named Grey and helping someone out. We broke the rule our friend put on us: "You are not allowed to have more cats than people." But rest assured, we are not crazy cat people . . . we're crazy animal people. That's better, right? And no, there are currently no plans to rectify our current ratio situation. But a note to the wise: the difference between owning two cats and owning three cats is bigger than I thought. In the near future, I hope to be in a housing situation that will allow us to transition our cats from indoor to outdoor cats. Then maybe we can get a dog. :)

Purpose

I've decided to change up this blog yet again. I think I'm going to post a photo on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I'll probably continue to post some thoughts on Sundays, which means all I'm really doing is cutting out the verses. To be honest, I was posting the verses more for me than for anyone else. If you really liked the verse postings, let me know and I'll bring it back.


Earlier tonight I pondered all the different blogs I've tried to start and how each time I've struggled to figure out the purpose of each blog, I think I finally realized why I struggle. In my opinion, my best thoughts are the thoughts that come out in conversations with others. It's through conversations that light bulbs come on, dots are connected, and I have, "ah ha!" moments. A blog is a pretty one-sided conversation.


There's just something different about photography, though. I love taking photos. I love doing what I can to capture a moment's good side. A certain angle, certain lighting, and certain camera settings can make something ugly, beautiful and vice versa. A photographer has the capability to lead the viewer to see something in a new and/or specific way.


Some people are purists when it comes to photography: no Photoshop. I think it's fun to play around with editing tools, seeing how small changes can completely change the mood of the photo. Other times I use Photoshop to edit the photo in such a way as to make the picture look more how I remember the moment in my head. This, of course, is assuming that the moment in my head is the most accurate representation of the moment.


Another aspect of photography I've noticed I enjoy is I like hiding behind the camera. When I'm the photographer, I pretend I'm hiding under an invisibility cloak, capturing pure moments.


Sometimes it's been hard to be the photographer. There have been some events for which I've specifically chosen to leave the camera at home so I experience the event instead of capturing it. This can be a really hard decision. It's kind of like Heisenberg's uncertaintly principle: the more precisely you measure a particle's position, the less accurately you can measure the particle's velocity and vice versa. The more I attempt to capture a moment, the less I am able to experience the moment and vice versa. At events where I chose to leave the camera at home, I do my best to take as many mental pictures as possible in hopes that the memories will last as long as a photo would. But just like photos, memories can be unintentionally and intentionally altered.


I've strayed far from the topic of the changing purpose of this blog. Oh well.


As I go back to making this more of a photography blog, I hope you enjoy see small moments of my days in the ways I choose to remember them and show them.

Knitters Unite!

Besides photography, another hobby of mine is knitting. I've had a ravelry.com account for years but only within the past couple of weeks have I put it to good use. Prior to a couple weeks ago, all I really used it for was to search for patterns. But now, a whole new world has been opened. My dear friend I mentioned in my post a week ago introduced me to the Harry Potter Knitting and Crocheting House Cup (HPKCHC) group on Ravelry. I found out about it just in time to be sorted. Even though pottermore.com sorted me into Gryffindor, I requested to be sorted into Ravenclaw. You see, the houses in HPKCHC don't follow canon exactly. I did some research on the different houses and for several reasons decided I would probably fit in best in Ravenclaw. That thought process could be it's own blog post that few would even find interesting so I'll just leave it at that.

So in this whole new world, there are "classes" you can take. I'm still learning about all this house cup stuff so the best way I can describe a class is for each of the classes in magic, there is a challenge. You pick a pattern that meets that challenge and then make it. The minimum requirement is to complete one class a month and there isn't a yardage minimum. So really, all I have to do is knit a dish cloth once a month. But where's the fun in that? :)

I've had so much fun working on my WIPs (works in progress) to get then very nearly finished so I can turn them in for points in detention. (Who knew I'd ever see detention as a good thing?) Other than when I go on a knitting frenzy to complete projects for Christmas gifts in the long car rides to see family, I've never been so knitting productive. I've also had a lot of fun selecting what projects I want to work on for the spring term, organizing my queue, and calculating and ordering the yarn I'll need. And the more I explore Hogwarts and the Ravenclaw Tower, the more features I discover on Ravelery I had no clue existed.

But the best part is I've discovered a whole bunch of people who not only enjoy knitting and crocheting as much as, if not more than, I do, but I've discovered these people have a lot of the same interests as me including my love of Doctor Who, RadioLab, Firefly, Settlers of Catan, and Jane Austen. I'm so excited.

And so, if you enjoy knitting or crocheting and also enjoy social network websites, I'd recommend starting a Ravelry account and checking out the HPKCHC group. Even though the Spring Term 2012 sorting has completed (a term is 3 months), you can still participate as a NQFY (not quite first year). The only difference between a NQFY and someone who's been sorted is you don't earn points for a house. Participating as a NQFY would also provide opportunity to fully explore all the houses so you can decide where you want to try to be sorted for the next term.

I'd like to end this blog post with a couple of the HPKCHC Ravenclaw mottos. One in particular seems appropriate considering my post a week ago:

Craft Smarter, Not Harder! 

Fail Spectacularly!

Mistakes Are Okay

Last weekend I had the opportunity to visit a very good friend. We had so many wonderful conversations. One conversation in particular has been on my mind. It was a conversation about mistakes. My friend is a nanny for a family and talked to me about recent changes she has made regarding how she corrects the children. She changed her methods due to a book she read, The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family. She read the book because she is beginning the process of adopting a child of her own but mentioned she thinks this would be a good book for anyone to read before starting a family.

But I digress. She explained that when a child she is watching does something wrong, she corrects her and then says, "Would you like to try it again?" I LOVE this concept for many reasons, the main reasons being this is how God relates to us. With God, we aren't punished for our mistakes. We aren't always given opportunities to have a redo, and sometimes there are repercussions of our actions, but when looking at the big picture, our mistakes don't keep us from spending eternity with Him.

I struggle with being hard on myself. I set unrealistic, unobtainable expectations on myself that no one else would ever put on me. As my sister pointed out, I am patient and kind to others. I need to treat myself the same way. "Be kind to yourself."

I need to be okay with the fact that I make mistakes. I need to take a moment to take a breath, relax, and give myself a re-do. After all, no one is perfect. What would make me think I'm the exception?