We have reasons for the decisions we've made but this phase in our lives is now coming to an end. It needs to come to an end. Living apart while we've been finishing grad school is something I can't emotionally or mentally handle anymore. I don't think he can either. As we discussed this, the cheesy words, "I can't live without you," spilled from my lips. Mid-way through this sentence my words slowed as I realized what I was saying. Why was I saying this? I knew why. I was trying to concisely express that I can't handle anymore the anxiety and stress living apart has caused. Did I really think I couldn't live without him? No. But I really, really didn't want to live without him anymore.
I was raised to believe that all we need is God. Countless times I have heard someone say that it is only once you find your identity in Christ and are truly content that you can be in a healthy romantic relationship. This is why I never thought the words, "I can't live without you," would ever come from my mouth.
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Last weekend I visited one of my best friends. As I talked to her about some of the craziness that's been going on in my life, I told her that a few months ago I reached the point that I realized I can't do this alone. I needed the support of my family and friends. I needed to live with a roommate because I didn't think it was healthy for me to live alone anymore. I told her this made me feel weak; that God should be enough.
She told me that she's been going through a similar struggle: realizing that other people can spur her on and yet feeling guilty that she wasn't motivated enough on her own. She told me what God is teaching her is that God gives us the gift of the special people in our lives because He knows they can help us grow. The support and love of others that help us grow is a blessing and not something that should make us feel guilty.
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